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There’s a major difference between being fashionably late to a party and missing it entirely bya full two years. See I never did buy into the HYPE of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare on its release, I didn’t buy into it after, or even when Call of Duty: World at War was released. For one thing, I just wasn’t interested but that had been steadily changing after reading many glowing reviews. My lack of interest then turned into a lack of wanting to pay full price for a two year old game (call me a cheap bastard, but I refuse to pay £44 for a USED copy of COD4). Luckily the laws of physics have returned to normal and lowered the cost to £20 (NEW). So I finally picked it up to see what the fuss was about. And I was pleasently surprised.

I’m not one for first-person shooters (nor for any particular genre really), but COD4 surprised me with it’s mostly engaging storyline and tight, efficient controls. The story concerns a group of Russian terrorists or Muslim extremists (I forget which, or both) hoarding nuclear weapons to declare war on democracy. You play as ‘Soap’ MacTavish, a stoic new recruit of the S.A.S in some missions, and in others you play as Sgt. Paul Jackson, a stoic new recruit of the OORAH UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS. There are a few other characters, of the S.A.S there are Captain ‘Moustache’ Price and Gaz, and a stereotypical black Staff Sergeant who vomits the usual stereotypical black person one-liners. As Soap, you are on sneaking missions in secluded locations, and as Jackson you are usually in GENERIC MIDDLE-EASTERNISTAN fighting muslim extremists.

Since the last military FPS I played properly was probably the first ever Medal of Honour, which I remember being a mostly bland affair that consisted mainly of shooting Nazis or trying to punch them with your I.D. papers. To be honest I expected much the same here. But war, war has changed (up yours Ron Perlman). Each level in the game is incredibly diverse, as if each stage was crafted around a certain scenario more than anything. Which leads to some great set pieces, such as the level where you are alternating between on-ground support and machine-gunning from helicopters or infiltrating a cargo ship. That former level in particular is intense, especially when you have to rescue a downed helicopter pilot.

Other highlights include, where playing as Soap, you and the S.A.S kill the power to a house, and must infiltrate using night vision. Or in a flashback mission, playing as a young Captain Price in a gully (sic) suit, infiltrating an empty town that was engulfed in the Chernobyl disaster. I especially like the part in that stage where both you and your Captain are moving through an empty school while the soundtrack picks up with a combo of mourneful tones with the sounds of children playing. It’s a very subtle but not-heavy handed message on the dangers of nuclear power and the lives lost because of it.

The level design is where I feel the game succeeds the most. Some of the game’s high points are also the most subtle, such as the lack-of-focus on everything but your gun’s sight when aiming, blood splatter, realistic model movements to name but a few. Video games are never really thought of as a viable medium to convey a message, especially when most brand the past time as immature (or worse, not much else but waving remote controls around). But Call of Duty 4 manages to get a point across without hitting us over the head, in particuar the haunting sequence where you play briefly as a survivor of a nuclear bomb blast. The world around you is decimated and silent, with no one but you left behind.

Graphically the game does have some problems with pop-in, but the environments are all equisitely rendered, as are the character models. My problems with the game lie with the “monster closets” that the game employs; that being if you don’t push forward, enemies will continue to respawn until you do. And also, the American marines are as usual, portrayed as stupid machismo OORAH WE ARE THE MILITARY tits like they always are. Just once, I’d love to see an American marine, who isn’t a Jingoistic fucker with a bit of humility and who ISN’T CHRISTIAN. But I doubt I ever will.

As for the multiplayer, it’s well, fine. To be honest I don’t really care for it; you go online, you shoots the bullets at the soldiers and theys fall downs. It’s fine. Playing COD4 makes me wish I never missed out on it in the first place, but while Modern Warfare 2 might be some way off before I purchase it, I still am looking forward to playing it. Well done Infinity Ward.

9/10

Hullo all. Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year, and I hope we get some people still visiting! I apologise for lack of updates, just Christmas happened, then so did New Year, then things got pretty busy with regards to the Great Job Hunt, then AVATAR happened and now things happen to be back to normal happened.

So you’ll hopefully see more content coming soon, and I’ll hopefully have my own personal website up and running soon (thanks to ftr and his wonderful server fingers) too for a five minute perusal and close down. But yes, welcome back, and hopefully whatever God you believe in brought you lots of gifties.

This may come a little bit late to those of you in the mainland UK, but those of us based on the Isle of Man don’t get a lot of snow – the conditions are never really right for it. However, today we had a fair bit of it, and a number of road closures. This has forced people onto other B roads, where conditions are treacherous and those who don’t know how to snow drive will soon find themselves out of luck. Here are some tips to keep you safe on your journeys. Those who know me will know I haven’t been driving long so it may seem a bit presumptuous to tell you how to drive – but I made it into work safely and with no troubles while others around me were giving up and going home.

1. If in doubt, or if you do not trust your ability, stay at home or walk
No-one will blame you for being safe – a number of people in your office will be staying at home, you’ll find. Driving in general, I believe, should only be undertaken by those who are not afraid of the car they drive and understand that you need 100% 360 degree attention to do it correctly – not tunnel vision. This is doubly true in conditions like this.

2. Be slow, calm and patient
Do not stress your car; if you exceed 30MpH in these sort of conditions you’re asking for trouble. You need to be able to stop at a moments notice, and stopping is made extra hard in snow.

3. Do not apply full brakes – EVER
Your car has more grip when the wheels are turning. Even if your car has ABS you WILL lock the wheels if you slam on the anchors. The car will slide out, it won’t go the direction you want, you might stall and have even less control and you will wear down your tyres. Brake slowly and gently, and let the car come to a natural stop. And to this end:

4. Plan ahead
We don’t mean “plan your journey a few hours in advance”, although that will help if you know conditions will be bad, but plan every move in advance. Look at the road ahead, and the traffic behind, and judge your next move carefully. You’ll want to avoid unfamiliar roads to do this properly, but even common sense can usually tell you all you need to know about what’s ahead. If you slow down enough before a potential hazard, you will have less need to slam on the brakes when you meet it.

5. Treat hills with respect
Driving a flat road on snow is, while sometimes tricky, as easy as breathing compared to a road that rises and falls. Even a gentle slope that wouldn’t cause a pensioner to be out of breath can turn into the motoring equivalent of Everest if you’re not careful. The two main things to remember for hill driving are:

• Go down slowly, in neutral, with the brakes on but not locked. You should be aiming to keep the downhill speed around 5MpH, and have a little brake travel left for if the hill steepens or something unexpected creeps up. Point 3 is especially important here.
• When going up hills, don’t go aggressively, but build up speed before hand and continue up in as high a gear as you can manage. Aim to go up everything in 4th at about 30MpH, and if thats too tough then drop to 3rd. 1st and 2nd will be too easy to spin.

And remember: no sudden movements.

5. Your car has 5 (or 6) gears – pretend 1 of them doesn’t work
Being in 1st gear in snow & ice is asking for trouble. Your wheels will simply spin all the power away and your car will torque steer horrifically. If you’re moving off, do it gently in 2nd. Drive along the road in 4th (3rd if it’s very slow). Go up hills in 3rd or 4th. You’ll be surprised how much pull your car has in higher gears, even at slow speeds. Use this to your advantage.

6. Keep calm and carry on – but know when to stop
As I stated before, the act of driving should be left to those who have confidence and faith in their car in their abilities and are able to give 100% 360-degree attention at normal times, especially so in winter. If you feel you can’t safely continue, pull over and stop. You won’t be the only one. Keep your car in a safe place away from traffic and find yourself some nearby services. There will no doubt be some rescue services operating who can help you.

If you DO keep going – don’t panic. When we panic is when we make mistakes. We lock the wheels, we floor the throttle on hills instead of gently squeezing it, and we turn too quickly for the conditions. We forget other road users and put them, and ourselves, at risk. You’re only as good as you think you are, and if you lose confidence your driving will suffer.

If you have a four wheel drive car, the above still applies. Don’t get cocky: your car weighs the best part of 2 tons or more and will be a nightmare. If it has preset settings for snow conditions, use them. And follow the above. If you have a rear-wheel drive car, you may want to give up sooner. They’re not designed for this sort of driving.

And in case you’re wondering, no I don’t drive a Range Rover or Landcruiser or other such car designed to gobble these conditions up. I drive this:

It’s that time, folks. 2009 is nearly out, so we’re due to bring you our thoughts on what was the best game of the year. As was the case last year, only games that launched in Europe between 01/01/09 and 31/12/09 (we can see the future, ok?) are eligible – and we’re looking for the cream of the crop. We also hope you’ll take a couple of things from this; not just a recommendation on where to plump your hard earned cash next time you hit the town, but hopefully some material to take to your next argument about what’s better. After all, this sort of thing is purely subjective – one man’s rubbish is another man’s treasure.

A similar format to last year as well – the contributors will nominate 4 games each and pick their winner from those 4. So 3 games will walk away with the coveted title of regular-expressions.co.uk Game of the Year 2009. And now, without further ado, lets get this underway! It’s a bit long, so click the “show” link below who’s entry you’d like to read, and “hide” to tuck it away for later.

Talnoy’s picks

Show »

Ryushi’s picks

Show »

Ftr’s picks

Show »

So that’s it for another year. We hope you’ll be back next year, and we hope we can really get this moveable feast underway. Things slowed down ever since our hosts MySQL server failure tolled the bell for ftrdev.co.uk, but we promise we’ll be back in 2010, better than before with more of what you love.

From all of us at the regular-expressions.co.uk team – Happy New Year!

Braid is one of those games that wears its indie label squarely on it’s head and being an “indie” game, unusual art styles and unique game play mechanics are expected. You play as Tim, who’s questing after the Princess who Tim’s seemingly made a mistake with and wants to rectify it, and in order to do that, he will run and jump through various Mario-esque platforming stages in order to save her.

While Braid does copy the Super Mario Bros. style platforming wholesale, it includes time mechanics. In every world Tim can rewind time, while in one world there may be objects unaffected by time, or in another, Tim can create movements, rewind time, then let a “shadow” of himself follow the movements he just made. There are some really genius ideas in this game, with some absolutely fiendish puzzles to solve which is where the game really shines if I’m being honest. Even some control mechanics, such as pressing L1 or R1 to fast forward or rewind time are used, which I thought were just included for the player’s benefit of not having to wait for ages when rewinding, but it’s used in puzzles too which really surprised me.

However, the plot is an absolute shambles. Of course every protagonist needs a quest and going after the Princess has been Mario’s calling card for years, so why not. But the “plot” is rendered in walls o’ text before the start of every level making it uninteresting to start of with (with the content following suit), and since the game’s creator Jonathen Blow thought because it’s an indie game it has to have an indie plot, meaning the story is downright impenetrable and barley makes any sense. Apparently the story is laced with metaphor, meaning it could be about practically anything. Although it’s a smart and unique way to present the story, it’s a total cop out. I consider myself to be somewhat smrt, that I can be given an abstract story and make sense of it (unless it’s Primer). But I couldn’t in Braid, and it’s one of the big reasons why I was disappointed with the game.

The game also lacks context, for example, why can Tim reverse time?  Hell, why are we a a player given the ability to reverse time? Why is the world made up of platforming sections and with strange time anomolies? And why are all the levels in Tim’s house? I mean, the Prince had the Dagger of Time? We know why and how he can reverse time, but not why Tim can.

I do enjoy the odd bit of indie gaming here and there, hell Flower is one of my favourite games of all time so I have been looking forward to playing Braid for a while now. But I have to say I’m disappointed. While I do love the game’s dreamy art style and soundtrack, the core platforming mechanics aren’t so much inspired but ripped from Super Mario Bros. (including one level wholesale), while it’s easy to overlook that due to the ubiquity of the platforming genre as well as the time mechanics, other references in the game such as the “World X – X” labelling for levels and there being a castle at the end of every level where a brown dinosaur appears and tells you that “I’m sorry the Princess is in another castle.” just jar with the game’s credability. I mean I get it, it’s like a massive homage or something, but it just reeks of plagerising to me, especially when Braid considers itself to be a totally srs game, meaning no tongues in cheeks here at all, which would be something I could live with.

I’ve been reading that Jonathan Blow created the game to be a “personal critique of current trends in game development”, but it’s something I didn’t really see come through during my time with the game. Like I said in the beginning, Braid is a game that wears it’s indie label on it’s head, it wants everyone to know this as if the very concept of indie makes anything good (believe me, it’s not). The game gets a lot right with the time mechanics, and the art style, but Blow lacks creative vision when it comes to the story. It’s as if he was scared that giving any more to the player would somehow ruin it for us all, that if it was a simple story of a man going after his love that we’d think it’s shitty, chick-flick esque etc and cast it out, when he should give us more credability. It’s a true shame, considering how much work went into the aspects of the game which made it great.

6/10

The title was my best effort at being completely politically correct, but anyway. Want to say happy holidays to you all. Thanks for reading if you still are, hopefully we’ll continue to post more frequently and have even more exciting images for you to look at it over the next year.

(From ftr): I’d just like to add my own little personal well wishing to this, and many thanks to our readers who stuck with us through thick and thin. On a more personal note as well, many thanks to ryushi for keeping this place alive at times when unforeseen circumstances held the rest of us back from posting. We’ll try to be less of a one-man-army next year!

Speaking of years, the annual Game of the Year post is coming up soon, so keep your eyes peeled for that!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a massive proponent of ‘the thinking man’s music’ – progressive and experimental rock. There is so much diversity, so much composition, so much thought gone into every single note and so much storytelling going on that it’s easy to become lost in a good prog album. The problem, of course, is that there is a sea of prog out there – some delicious lobsters but an awful lot of salty seawater to find them in. A number of people have asked me “What album would you recommend to get into this genre?”. In fact, even our very own ryushi got guidance from me and is now somewhat of a Rush fan.

So this is not necessarily a top 10 list of the greatest progressive rock albums of all time. Nor are they presented in any sembelance of order. These are simply a collection of records that will help converts-to-be immerse themselves in the world of strange time signatures and fantasy lyrics. Continuing the sea analogy: consider these your snorkels, and me your diving instructor.

1. Yes – The Yes Album

In 1971 Yes released their first album with new guitarist Steve Howe, and the last with keyboardist Tony Kaye until 1983’s 90125. It was the first of their albums to feature their now-signature “democratic” approach, with each member of the band having equal influence on the outcome. It was the album that finally set Yes’s career alight, reaching #4 in the UK and becoming a platinum seller in the USA – staying in the chart for 50 weeks (and thus delaying the subsequent Fragile USA release). On the face of it it’s easy to see why: Steve Howe’s guitar playing was equally dynamic and powerful, able to flip back and forth between harder rock riffs and jazzier numbers. Tony’s organ-like keyboard playing, added to Chris Squire and Bill Bruford on bass & drums made an excellent musical backdrop for Jon Anderson’s vocals – as confusing as they may be. It was equal parts accessible and progressive, and 3 songs made up 1981’s Classic Yes compilation (Yours Is No Disgrace, Starship Trooper & I’ve Seen All Good People) and became staple favourites of fans worldwide.

2. Yes – Fragile

I’ve tried to avoid doubling up artists to give as wide a spectrum as possible, but if The Yes Album can be considered one half of Classic Yes, then this can most undoubtedly be called the other half. Tony Kaye’s departure left a space that Rick Wakeman stepped into fill, and while the signature organ sound remained it was given a massive boost by Wakeman’s presence. As previously mentioned, this album was delayed by 2 months in America (and is usually credited with a 1972 release because of this) due to the ongoing success of The Yes Album. However when it was released it proved to be even more popular – reaching #4 in the USA during a 46 week stay and peaking at #7 in the UK. Evolving the previous album’s democratic method, 5 of the tracks were individually composed by members of the band – Rick Wakeman showing his strengths on the rather short Cans and Brahms. The album has been criticised for not flowing particularly well between the long epics and the shorter tracks, however it still stands as a fine example of their songwriting abilities – and an excellent entry point in arguably Britain’s finest offering.

3. Rush – 2112

Arguably the first concept album on this list, 2112 was a break from the progressive rock norm in that its lyrics were very much influenced by science fiction, whereas fantasy settings had previously been the flavour-du-jour. The title track, more commonly referred to as the 2112 suite, lasts a solid 20:33, and charts the story of a young man living in a futuristic totalitarian dystopia, where music and art, among other creative outlets, are outlawed and heavily controlled by a group calling themselves “The Priests of the Temples of Syrinx”. It follows his emotions and frustrations as, after finding an old guitar in a cave, the Priests destroy it and send him on his way. The ending of the song is left open to interpretation – I know how I see the ending of the piece, and it’s up to you to make up your own mind. Heavily inspired by Ayn Rand’s novel, Anthem, her sentiments and philosophies are echoed but not copied.

The rest of the album certainly isn’t filler, continuing on the sci-fi theme, exploring the values of freedom and some general wind-down rock. It’s been named as the definitive Rush album by a Planet Rock poll, and it also gave birth to the Starman logo that crops up on a number of other pieces of their work.

4. King Crimson – Larks’ Tongues in Aspic

I’ve been sitting with my cursor blinking at me for about 20 minutes now. That line used to read “King Crimson – In The Court Of The Crimson King”, but I just don’t feel I’d be doing you right if I didn’t expose you to the beauty of Robert Fripp’s stranger side.

King Crimson is a British progressive rock band formed by Robert Fripp and Michael Giles in 1969. Their lineup has changed numerous times over the years, never remaining the same (they have passed through 18 musicians and 2 lyricists in their history). This can be attributed to Fripp’s near dictatorship way of creating music, which forced many members out due to creative difficulties. Nonetheless, he was a tremendous innovater, and all but invented soundscapes as we know them, in the guise of “Frippertronics”. Larks’ Tongues in Aspic starts off with a marimba opening, leading into a heavy, almost panicky, instrumental track. The second part closes off the album, and inbetween lies a number of vocal tracks. It’s a weird album and it WILL take you time to get used to – but it’s worth it.

5. Sieges Even – The Art of Navigating by the Stars

As if to prove that the Germans can do prog as well as their British counterparts, step forth Sieges Even – bordering more on the progressive metal than rock. A distinctly harder edge to the guitar work separates them from a lot of other artists in this field, as well as Alex Holzwarth’s sensational drumming. This is the 6th studio album to come from the band, but is also the easiest to find in your local record store. It opens up with a sinister faded synth chord, overlapped by a baby’s laughter, before launching into a riff-laden journey of strange imagery. There’s a recurring theme of being afraid of what lies the future (the lyric “The view from here, it is so frightening” is prevalent across the whole work) that’s well explored through the navigation metaphor. This is a superb entry point for anyone looking for something a little heavier, such as the metal fans among us, and a little less psychedelic. The band have unfortunately split up after releasing their last studio album, Paramount (also worth checking out) in 2007. A live album was released in 2008.

6. IQ – Subterranea

It’s back to Britain for album #6, and back into the realms of the concept. 1997’s Subterranea is an excellent 102-minute double disc affair, telling the tale of a man who’s been the subject of an experiment. He’s been held captive, almost like sensory deprivation, throughout his whole life and he doesn’t have any contact with the outside world. Unlike other concept albums which dedicate one song to the story and the rest are unrelated, all of the 19 songs on here are relevant – including the 20 minute finale (although you could make an argument that the opening overture is more of a sum up of the sound than a part of the story). The spirit of the Yes sound is very much alive in this modern prog tour de force, heavily synth lead with the archetypical organ. IQ are perhaps one of the best modern reminders of why the British are the kings of prog: punk failed to kill it, and they’re still going (their 2009 offering, Frequency, while not as good as this, is still a solid collection.)

7. Genesis – Selling England By The Pound

You can’t mention quintessential progressive rock without mentioning Genesis in the same sentence. Formed in 1969, they were originally a 5-piece line up, consisting of Peter Gabriel (vocals), Anthony Phillips (guitar), Tony Banks (keyboards), Mike Rutherford (bass & guitar) and Chris Stewart (drums). 1973’s Selling England By The Pound was written by their lineup from 1971, seeing Stewart replaced by Phil Collins and Phillips with Steve Hackett. What makes this stand out as one of their best is how well it gelled together: musical performances are much more polished and tight than on the preceding LPs, and musical diversions are more often unified into the general song structure. It also contained their first charting single, I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe). The song’s lyrics tell the story of a young man who pushes a lawn mower for a living and shares his philosophy on life that he does not want to grow up and do great things, being perfectly happy where he is. While the album as a whole has an underlying theme, it’s not technically a concept album as there is more than one story going on. Retaining Genesis’s pastoral yearning for ancient or medieval England as its primary thematic material, the album focuses on traces of this past in the present. Songs about England’s mythological past (Dancing With the Moonlit Knight) co-exist with sketches of contemporary lawnmowers (I Know What I Like), and the centrepiece of the second side, the epic Cinema Show, has two lovers serve as reincarnations of ancient Greek figures, drawing on elements from The Fire Sermon, the 3rd section from T. S. Eliot’s long poem The Waste Land.

8. Porcupine Tree – In Absentia

Since 2000, Porcupine Tree’s sound has been veering off more towards progressive metal, and it is perhaps 2002’s work that shows this transition better than any other. The opening tracks features an incredibly heavy riff that blasts forth, before descending in softly-song lyrics, backed by acoustic guitars. Though never announced as such by the members of the band, many consider In Absentia to be a concept album. It is said to be an investigation of the causes of insanity and serial killing told through the story of man from childhood through marriage, as many of the songs can demonstrate. However, Porcupine Tree’s lyricist Steven Wilson has always maintained that his lyrics are loose and open to interpretation, and never really clarifies them. Inspiration is drawn from a wide range of genres, and their skilled culmination makes In Absentia a thoroughly enjoyable experience. It’s tempting to replace this album with 2009’s The Incident, but given that this list is meant to be an introduction, perhaps a 55 minute opening track is best avoided for now…

9. The Reverse Engineers – Max Q

For those who would like a bit more rock’n'roll with their progressive, I give you Tampa Bay’s The Reverse Engineers. A number of publications have dubbed them “the next Rush”, which is a great accolade, but they hold their own as a standalone band. There’s a definite power-trio influence on Max Q, and as well as eschewing the traditional synth sounds of other bands, they also eschew the typical fantasy lyrics, focussing more on the here-and-now, with songs about love, astronomy and, in the albums title track and 8-minute finale, the lonely experiences of an astronaut in space. The three Cote brothers certainly know how to rock, and they bring a definite feeling of power to each and every song. It may be a stretch to call them true progressive, but they toe the line with the intelligence behind the music. A definite must – and perhaps the best band to start with on this list.

10. Rush – Hemispheres

If I thought my decision about item #4 was hard, this was harder. When I started this list I desperately wanted to avoid doubling bands – and now I’ve done it twice. However, Rush deserve it, there’s no argument. 1978’s Hemispheres follows on from A Farewell To Kings ending (and technically both should be here to keep continuity between songs). We rejoin the story in the heart of Cygnus-X1, where a battle between 2 differing gods has broken out about how the people should live their lives. Both routes lead to unhappiness and disaster, and the perspective then shifts to the protagonist of the story, and his attempts to bring the 2 together. With both albums played back-to-back, the Cygnus X-1 suite is one of their longest pieces, clocking in at 28 minutes. The album features only 4 tracks – Cygnus X-1 Book II: Hemispheres, Circumstances, The Trees and the 9-minute instrumental, La Villa Strangiato (An Exercise in Self-Indulgence). The multi-part song was inspired by a dream guitarist Alex Lifeson had, and the music in these sections correspond to the occurrences in his dream. Keen ears among you may be able to pick out a set of riffs inspired by a piece written Raymond Scott in 1936, entitled “Powerhouse” -tThis song has been used extensively in various cartoons since the 1940s, no doubt where guitarist Alex Lifeson picked it up from.

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So there we go. 10 progressive rock albums to help you get started. No doubt people will disagree with what’s on this list, swapping albums and maybe even bands out for their own favourites, but to me this is a selection of quintessential starters, designed to ease you in and then keep you hooked. Enjoy!

Operation Anchorage may well contain the greatest amount of xenophobia I’ve seen in recent memory; never before have I slaughtered so many Chinese soldiers this side of the Great Wall in the name of virtual Capitalism, truth, justice and the American yadda yadda. But then again, if we’re calling out Fallout 3: Operation Anchorage for it’s borderline xenophobia, we may as well give Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 the Nick Griffin Special Achievement Award for it’s stereotyping, which is about as subtle as King Leonidas in a shouting contest, cheating with ten megaphones. However, to do so would be ignoring the rest of this add-on pack’s features, number two of five that I’ve played so far.

The story goes that you, the Lone Wanderer, pick up a radio broadcast coming from Downtown D.C., specifically an underground bunker currently being annexed by some Brotherhood of Steel Outcasts. It turns out, this place has got some pretty great loot, if only it weren’t for that blasted heavy door which can only be accessed after someone completes a war-game simulation of the Battle of Anchorage which can only be played by someone who has a Pip-boy 3000 dag nabbit! Being the only person in the game who actually has a Pip-boy 3000 and a degree of sentiency, you volunteer of sorts to complete the simulation and if the Outcasts still like you, they’ll give you some of the loot they find.

After arriving in the simulation, you are placed on the frozen mountains of Alaska and are charged with killing lots of Chinese communists and very little else. The game does add a certain degree (and I mean a SINGLE degree) of real time strategy team based combat by allowing you command of 3 other operatives (with variations in their weaponry) but these privates amount to little more than weak ass in-game companions who die easily but can be respawned back at base.

The actual Fallout 3 gameplay is surprisingly nerfed for some reason; instead of picking up ammo and guns off fallen soldiers, you’re only allowed to pick up guns the simulation deems you allowed to pick up. You can only refuel ammo and health at ammo and health refueling stations (all highlighted in a shiny red) and you can’t loot dead bodies (since they disappear ala 16-bit platforming game bad guys style). On the whole it’s very limiting and a strange decision from a gameplay standpoint. I know with the setting being a simulation, you should only be able to use weaponry and such from that time, but you should still be able to loot the dead and use their weaponry, just because it isn’t real doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to.

Story wise there’s nothing here worth knowing about, apparently in the Fallout universe China thought it’d be a good idea to try and take over Alaska, and America thought it wasn’t such a good idea, so they decided to go to Alaska and tell them that (with lots and lots of guns) in what is known as the Battle of Anchorage. America won of course (in a way, they’re always winners), and China instead resorted to guerilla warfare (which explains why there are so many Chinese books and operatives in hiding in so many places in Downtown D.C.), but nothing else worth noting.

Beating the simulation allows access to the new loot which includes a nifty electric sword, Winterized Tb-51 armor (the best armor in the game), and lots of other nice weaponry. However when I decided to take the weapons for myself, in typical Fallout fashion the Brotherhood of Steel Outcasts all went crazy and killed each other for no reason. But whatever, nothing in this game surprises me any more.

Operation Anchorage brings very little new to the Fallout 3 table.  While the add-on pack’s description talks a big game about how you’re getting to take part in a huge war, that’s an essential backstory to the Fallout universe, the game does very little to make the player believe they are in an actual war. What it is, is Fallout 3 in snow, with more Chinese communists to shoot at and a few explosions going off in a field nearby. The expansion is worth it for the loot, but not a lot else.

5/10

Next up: The Pitt.

Stray observations:

I also noticed that you don’t actually see the Chinese communists faces; looking at them up close shows they’re wearing a grey face mask or something. Why the cover up Bethesda?

I started getting into comics over the last couple of months (not your typical ones anyway) and the Scott Pilgrim series happened to come my way (it also helped that a movie is being made of it starring Michael “Superbad” Cera and being directed by Edgar “Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, Too Many Aliases” Wright), which tells the story of Scott Pilgrim, a 23 year old, all around non-geeky good guy and bassist. He lives with his gay room mate Wallace and plays in a band called Sex Bob-Omb.

The plot follows Scott as he begins dating a 17 year old high schooler called Knives Chau (seriously), the situation hasn’t gotten anyone but Scott very enthusiastic. But things take a turn for the worse as Scott starts to dream about Ramona Flowers, a quirky Amazon.ca delivery girl who just happens to be real and has moved to the town where Scott lives. The rest of the plot follows Scott as he struggles with his infatuation for Ramona and his relationship with Knives.

The book is one of the more unconventional comics I’ve read, with lots of neat little touches such as Scott’s band are practicing a song, which you can play and sing along with as the lyrics and chords needed to play the song are shown. The art style is quite simplistic, neither manga nor the conventionally American drawing style, but stealing from both and making out well enough.

While Scott juggles the aformentioned balls he finds out that in order to date Ramona, he must defeat her seven evil ex-boyfriends. I know it’s quite an eye-rolly premise, but unfortunately for the comic, this reveal (along with many other even more stupid aspects) is when the book begins to falter.

For example, the first three quarters of the book you could say takes place in “the real world” with realistic emotions and events playing out realistically-ish (with some events exaggerated ala Warner Bros. cartoon style for comedic effect) but nothing to cause you to sit up and shout WTF? However, the last quarter (taking place at a Sex Bob-Omb gig) completely ruins everything, as the first of Ramona’s evil ex-boyfriend’s appear, whom Scott fights ala Street Fighter style (I’m not shitting you), along with the rest of his band and friends, who all later fight magically summoned evil teenage goth pixies (summoned by the evil ex-boyfriend), which later culminates in a massive banal musical number. Then the evil ex-boyfriend is beaten by Scott, and evaportaes into loose change, which Scott picks up.

WAIT? WHAT? WHAT? FIGHT WHAT? HUH? THE FUCK?

Those words describe at least a few of the thoughts that were going through my head. I can see what the author was going for really, since to have the book end with any real emotional pay off (a trope catiously avoided, and would probably be Scott playing a song for Ramona, which she loves, then falls in love with him, and they passionately kiss on stage to the cheers of the crowd, band members and friends) would probably reek of cheese and sentimental shit.

But to have it end in a massive Street Fight(er) really undoes all that was achieved before hand. The book has an almost epic struggle with tone as it really can’t decide what it wants to be; is it a light hearted read? Or a sincere evaluation of the art of relationships? Or is it a story consisting of some wish-fulfilment fantasy starring the male equivalent of a Mary Sue who’s only really problem in life is that he has almost too many women on the go at once? Who knows really, I don’t and the book sure doesn’t.

I did like the book’s first half however, I could empathise with almost all the characters, and some of the humor and obscure video game references are neat (it’s the only book I’ve read that references the bass line from the main theme of Final Fantasy II and that’s about as obscure as you’re getting). By all means pick it up, but it’s a shame the book ends in such a stupid and silly way. I’m all for fun guys, but the film equivalent of this would be any scene in Spiderman 3 where Tobey Maguie walks down a street pointing at women, or dancing on tables at a jazz club, now wasn’t that fun and fondly well remembered?

7/10

No T-Mobile, you’re not going to bring the world together under the banner of peace, harmony, music and free 3G internet access just because some poncy twat named Josh wants to make an unrealistically big band while exercising his xenophobia against more traditional forms of advertising. This means he can only access young, fashionable 20-something Myspace and Twitter users to play in his band, who also happen to be the only people allowed to be present in television advertisements! If only something Spinal Tap related would happen to their tour bus, maybe we could call the end result “The Day the T-Mobile Music Died”.